I am a Work of Infinite Worth. "Oh baby, I...must be doing something...right..."

Today couldn't have been any worse. I can't find my Petit Nicolas book for French anywhere. My French teacher hates me, I swear it. I have no clue what's going on in AP.

I talked to him at lunch today. It was a lot better than yesterday. Things are going well between us. I wasn't sure if he was a member or not, and I've been wondering that for a long time. You can't imagine my joy when today at lunch I saw that CTR ring on his finger. Honestly, I think that was a tender mercy from the Lord. I just had to see it today at lunch. One of the highlights of my day. I swear, I swear, he's not the most attractive guy on the planet. But I'm attracted to him. And not just because of Friday. There's something...I don't know, I can't explain. Maybe there was some truth in what he said Friday night?

"...I feel like I've known her forever..."

Softball today was terrible. We ran the required mile first, then went downstairs to lift. I lifted the requirement, but then I felt claustrophobic (sp). I went back upstairs and I kept running. To get away from my worries. To get away from the world. To get away from Fieldstead. Tonight was so utterly horrible, I could have broken down right there in the middle of the gym. It didn't help any that my sister was there. I know she means good, but I felt too high of expectations from her, and from my coach, and from everyone. That just put me down further. I wanted to keep running.

I didn't go home afterward. It was 10pm, and I didn't go home. I gathered together my money, filled my tank half way, and set out. Next to me on the seat was a waterbottle I bought at the gas station. I honestly wanted to drink my cares away, and besides milk, water was the best substitute for Whiskey. Or anything. I wanted to buy a huge thing of Arrowhead, but they didn't have any. No worries, that water was good enough. Actually, it was wonderful.

Where did I drive to? Everywhere. I drove past many friends' houses, including his. I actually did his twice. And then I set out to my original destination: Provo Temple. I drove around that for a while, then finally settled in a parking lot right across from the temple grounds. I parked the truck with the back facing the temple. I pulled the sandbag toward the cab (it made a terrible noise--I felt I was disturbing the peace and tranquility of the temple), and in my basketball shorts, a t-shirt, and a thin hoodie, I sat on that sandbag and leaned against my cab, the beautiful temple and mountains right in front of me. And I cried. I cried and I cried. It took me a while at first, but once I got going, I couldn't stop. And I talked with the Lord. He asked me, "Why are you crying?" and I told Him everything. And that was when I knew that the Lord had not forgotten me. I felt His warmth in the chilly night air. I wasn't cold at all. He has a plan in store for me, a wonderful plan, and it's not my time to go yet. I still have stuff to do in this life. I have to become a righteous wife, raise a righteous family. I've always wanted to get married in the SLC Temple, just because it's like a castle, and absolutely gorgeous. And to be honest, I've always hated the Provo Temple because it's so plain. However, I decided that my temple is the Provo Temple. I haven't been there very often, not as much as SLC or Mt. Timpanogos, but everytime I go, I feel something special there, something I don't feel at any other temple. The Provo Temple is my temple, and that is where I will be sealed to my husband and family for all eternity.

I drove around some more afterward, and as I drove, I thought. And I mostly thought about him. I was around BYU area, so whenever I saw a young man, I would think, "Hm, how about him?" But I would always shake my head and say, "No, he's not my type." Well, what is my type? And always, without fail, he came to mind. I don't even know why. He's not really my type, not the kind I've always imagined for myself. Yet, I feel so comfortable with him. And he fits so much better to my personality than any other guy I've tried to see myself with. I thought about his comment from Friday, and then I really thought. Did I really just meet him 4 days ago? Have I only been with him for such a short time, meaning so far two lunches at school? His face...is that really a face I have barely seen? Was it just Friday night that burned this image into my mind, or is it something else, something beyond explaination? Please, I'm not trying to say I'm in love with him and that he is my soulmate. Honestly. But I do feel a connection. Something is there. Something...I just don't know what, or if anything will happen.

Anyways, I was absolutely craving chocolate ice cream, specifically a frosty, so I stopped by Wendy's to grab a frosty, and now I'm here, 12:30am, Wednesday morning, eating my Frosty and typing my soul out.

Feel special I just shared with you the deepest thoughts of my heart. I'm having a hard time right now, so if you ever see me, just give me a big, squeezy hug. It seriously makes all the difference in my day.