Of late, I guess I have been feeling, rather, what shall I call it, left out? K has N, A has S, J has C, J has K, B has B...that's what this is about. Not all, but most of my close friends either have a bf/gf or really likes someone and has possibilities. Every day, I sit there. Physically, we're all together. Emotionally, maybe that's something else. I watch and listen in silence as they recount their time with him, their 3 T's (trials, troubles, tribulations...) with him... Patiently I do this. Every day. I love them, and I really do love and care hearing about what's going on in their lives. But the more I hear of their seemingly love-filled lives, the more and more I realize how empty my own is in that category. I like no boys. I have tried to like boys, but the more I try convincing myself that boy is the one, the more I know he isn't.

I just don't think it's in my nature to be close to a boy right now. Sure, I've had my fair share of crushes, but I've never acted upon it. That's just not how I am. Maybe I'm too scared, like I'm afraid he won't like me and I'm seemingly throwing my heart out only to be trampled upon. Maybe I'm just uncomfortable getting too close to someone. I never hug any of my guy friends. And they never hug me. To me, that's just how it is, and I've never questioned it until lately. Is it because I have more of that "sporty/tomboy/tough" look about me that makes it seem, weird?, to get close to me other than just really good friends?

Other than that, I just don't have time for boys. I'm not saying this only because when a girl likes a boy, she's thinks of him 24/7, practically taking over her life. I'm saying I really don't have time for boys. I barely even have time for my friends! I have school to worry about, not to mention all that homework. I have work to worry about, and soon, it will be softball as well. I know my life is busy, but I'm working on my future right now. I can worry about boys later. Right now, I need to focus on getting into college, and earning money so I can pay the bills and save up for college. I just can't worry about boys right now.

Don't worry--I still find time for my friends and the occasional date or two. I've been to a few dances so far, and they have been...fun. The church says to date around in high school, and trust me, I'm dating around. That's not a problem, going on dates or anything. Just no steady dating. Our leaders know what they're talking about when they drill this in over and over. Just look at my friends. Too much going on, too much trouble. Too much stress on such a young and feeble heart.

...there's really no point to this, but I just thought I'd get it out, now especially with so much stuff going on with my friends. K says I'm the only sane one in our group...is it really true?