"Heartsounds" by David Lanz--find it and listen to it!

I stopped playing the piano in 9th grade.

In 6th grade, for hours on end, I would just sit at the piano and play. I'll admit, I gained a few extra pounds from all that sitting, but that's all I did. That was my life, that was my passion. I taught myself from the Complete Levels 1-4 from about 4th-6th grade. I took real lessons for a year to complete up to 6, but all I really learned was a few technicalities here and there. I taught myself how to play the piano, I was that determined. I could not stop playing. A four-octave keyboard with a broken key couldn't stop me. Broken fingers couldn't stop me.

So why did I stop playing the piano in 9th grade?

My life turned upside down in 9th grade. I was on top of the school and had the time of my life. I had a best friend that almost knew me as well as I knew myself, and vise-versa. But the more I hung out with her, the less I played the piano. The less I read my scriptures. The less I said my prayers... There he sat, my dear, precious piano, collecting dust. I told myself I stilled played, but I didn't. I would go weeks without playing a single note at home, for myself. I played for choir and church constantly, but that didn't count.

I finally realized a little into my junior year in high school that this friendship wasn't going to work. I might have done it a little too harshly, but I had to end it. All it did was pull me down, further and further. I couldn't carry this burden around any longer. It hasn't even clicked until now, this very instant, as I am typing this paragraph, that something wonderful has come from that. I ended it with her, and suddenly, I am becoming so much closer to my friends at school. I am meeting so many new people, I can't even keep track of them all. And most importantly, I'm reading my scriptures again, and I'm praying. I still struggle, but I am doing it.

And I play the piano again. For the first time in over a year, in October, I sat down at the piano, and I played. I played until my back ached. I played until my eyes dried out. I played, I played, oh I played. And how wonderful it felt. I had not had so much joy in my life before. The world was falling apart all around me, and still is, but in my heart, there is peace when I play. I play for the music. I play for the feel of my fingers over the keys. I play for the feelings in my heart. They slide down my arms and come out my fingertips. And mostly, I think. I ponder, I meditate. I realized that I had not sat down and actually just thought since I had stopped playing the piano. And now, I can't stop it. I am constantly playing now. I sit down, alone with myself and my thoughts, and I play for hours on end. This is no exageration (sp). I literally play for hours on end. I play so much, I have a tendency to cut it close with getting to work on time. I'll admit, I have put on those pounds I lost in 9th grade, but I don't care--it's worth it. It's worth all the world to me to just take those few hours a day and play.

One other secret I'll share with you: I play more when I like a guy. And you cannot even begin to imagine how much I have been playing the piano since last Friday. I have a couple songs that I just LOVE to play that are perfect to describe my feelings for this guy. It's just one part of a song, and I play it over and over and over again, and I'm sure my family is sick of it, but that's all I can say about him. There's one particular song...it's called Wedding Rain, and it is beautiful. It's a really long song, but there's one part that I absolutely love to play over and over again, and everytime, I think about him. I think of what could happen, what will happen, will anything happen? I think of our friendship. I think of his personality. I think of everything. That song reminds me of him. Sometimes, I ask myself, do I really like him? And then I think of him and his smile and just his complete and utter awesomeness, and I say, Yeah, I like him. And sometimes, when I'm really in one of those moods, I play the whole song. It is so beautiful. It's so soft, so peaceful, and constantly moving. Yet, there is a sort of mysterious edge to it, a few of those minor sounding chords in there, that just say...I can't describe it. You just have to listen to it. It is perfect, and I intend to memorize that one part so I can play it for everybody!

So, before I make this any longer, and before people (aka my dear loyal readers) start gouging their eyes out (love you mi!), I'm just going to say one more thing: Maybe I would care a tiny bit, but even if he turns out to like someone else, or no one at all, I won't die. All I ask of him is a friendship that we will keep, hopefully, for a very long, long while. I want to kidnap him at 10pm on summer nights and go somewhere, and just talk for hours. I want to talk with him, just talk and talk. The poor fellow, he doesn't even realize how often I talk about him.

Thanks again for listening.

-9c