Down in the Corner of my Room

I can still write my deepest, darkest feelings, but you say I worry too much anyways, and you're sick and tired of hearing about him--again.

Because he's all I can think about right now. Because I don't want to like him, but everytime I think I'm over him, I end up thinking about him. Like today. Like yesterday, like last night, like today. I don't want to like him...

All I want is a hug, and for him to just hold me tight, while I cry on his shoulder. I want to cry. Because I messed up. Because I made a mistake. But will he even care? He doesn't care. He never lets me talk. He's always talking. He doesn't listen. I. don't. like. him..

He breaks my heart. I broke my own heart.

Are they even sorry they did it? Oh sure. Yes, Mrs. Mathews. I understand, Mrs. Mathews. Of course, Mrs. Mathews. Of course, of course, of course of course OF COURSE. You're not sorry. You break the rules all the time. What makes this any different? Half of you weren't even planning on going on tour anyway! You spoke, you agreed too much. Just shut your effin mouths and nod your effin sorry heads. I'm sorry, but these people make me mad. Fine, I'm angry at myself for doing this. Maybe I'm being too hard on myself, or maybe I'm being too hard on these people, but how can I trust these people that are known to break the rules? How are people going to be able to trust me, someone they knew that doesn't break the rules?? I've ruined my highschool career. I've ruined my college career, or maybe a scholarship opportunity. Who's going to look at someone with something like this on their record?

I messed up, and I can't even talk to my own mother about this.

And it's probably too late to call K, but I'm calling anyways. And I still have homework. And I have to go in early to take the Psychology test. And I freaking go to St. George on Thursday, thus missing 2 more days of school! Thank you, but I don't need this right now. I just don't.

So hate me for writing this stuff down if you want. Criticize me for putting into words what should just be kept to myself. Talk about me behind my back. Go ahead and just don't care about me. This is my blog, and like K said, if you have any problems with that, then you don't have to read it. So let me write whatever I d*** feel like. Because I don't need this. I need you guys, but I just don't need this.