Main a Main (frenchies...wink)

He is an amazing guy. He is, he is. A very good guy. So sweet. Not afraid to compliment me. So if I don't like him anymore, why does it hurt so bad?

That's what I was honestly thinking of posting during my free time during intermission. I felt terrible, and I just wanted to curl up in a defiant ball and cry. It felt as if he had finally understood and backed off. And how painful it was.

When the show was over, I gave him a hug to congratulate him on a job well done. Normally, I would have just thought to give him a hug only to humor him, keep him guessing. No, I really wanted to give him a hug this time. And instead of forcing a smile and a laugh whenever I talked to him, I was actually thoroughly enjoying myself around him. I was having a great time. I wasn't thinking too much at the moment if I really did like him or not, but I did know that it felt good to know we were still on good terms.

And B, once again I tell you that movies are where things happen. We have waited a month for this (ok, I have waited a month for this), but always one of us had to work, or lose a phone. I knew something was going to happen if we watched a movie together. It was bound to happen. And the movie never worked out--until now.

For the first 15 minutes of the movie, he definitely subtley made it clear that he wanted to hold my hand. His was always sitting right next to my leg, or resting between my knee and his. We were definitely in a position to hold hands, if only I made the effort to move my hand up to his. But was I going to? Did I want to? I honestly was expecting nothing to happen, like always. It's always so close, but then nothing happens. It's because this: the guy makes his move first, 90%, if only I can complete that last 10. If only I have the nerve. We finally did end up holding hands, for about 5 minutes, meh, until we had to stop the movie because lovely B had to go home.

It felt like an out-of-body experience. I just sat there, staring at our hands together, and thought, "Are we really actually holding hands? Is this real?" I've never held hands with a guy before. I couldn't believe it was happening to me. But there it was, and there we did it. But is this a bad thing to say or...?: I couldn't believe something so incredible happened or just that I still didn't like him and therefore felt no feelings, even as we held hands. No, I felt something. But then here's the issue. I'm thinking maybe this is just something like the hymenoptra's situation before. She didn't like him very much, but he liked her, they ended up holding hands, she definitely liked him more after that, and now they're a happy couple. It's not wrong to start liking someone after they make the first move, definitely not. But there's a fine line between first move and "because-someone-likes-me-I-like-him."

Only worry? PDA. Just because we held hands tonight does not mean it will give him the right to be all over me at school. For my sanity and for my friends' sanities, I just won't have it. I don't want to give him completely mixed signals, from holding hands to no communication. Stupid drama. But there will be a line to draw, and, pray for me I will have the strength to do it. But please, P, no PDA. Other than that, I held hands with him!

Speaking of couples, C AND W????????? WOW kind of did not see that one coming!!! I knew he liked her, but I totally thought it was still W and D, but then I was kind of suspecting something wasn't going on between those two any more, but WOW seeing C with a girl and holding hands??? WOW!!!! I love those two to death!!!

P.S. GREAT STORY!!! James Conolee (sp sp sp sp), very well known performer in Utah. Guest performer in Night of the World. And as I walk by, he is looking at a program, then the lady he is with points to me and he says, "Excuse me, are you 9c (name withheld for whatever reasons)?" I say yeah, and he says, "You are incredible at the piano," etc. Oh. Wow. SNAP, seriously, the ULTIMATE compliment EVER. Don't worry P, I still felt very special when you called me beautiful tonight, but WOW was I absolutely FLATTERED that James Connalee (sp sp sp sp) spoke to me and complimented me on my piano abilities! WOW!!!! Wow Wow Wow Wow Wow Wow. Wow.

Wow.

And once again, don't get me wrong in thinking that I care more about the James C. compliment than I do about holding hands. No matter how many CAPITALIZED words I put in one paragraph to totally emphasize my excitement, it's still one paragraph. When something is really on my mind, I would rather write and write and write. Lotsa paragraphs, one paragraph. You be the judge.

We held hands!