WE ARE GONNA DO THIS!!!!!!!!!

NEW SUMMER 2006 GOAL! NEW SUMMER 2006 GOAL!

Our mission, dear friends, should we choose to accept, is:

Do baptisms for the dead in every temple in the state of Utah during the summer of 2006.

Thank you for your time. That is all.

Standing as a Witness...Finally.

I don't know what to say. I don't want a boyfriend. And I just realized I have been wearing my CTR ring upside down. I don't want a boyfriend. This stuff is absolutely lame, and I'm not happy. Date around, just don't get involved and stuck with one person in high school. Don't limit yourself. Don't work over 20 hrs a week. If possible, try not to have a job except for summer. Don't limit yourself--highschool is a time to let go. Be happy. Enjoy life while you can. You're going to be working your whole entire life after highschool, so why work more than you need to now? You don't need all the money in the world, you just need your friends. That's friends with an s. A boyfriend limits these things. We've seen proof with some fellow associates. I want to flirt with any guy that I want without having to worry that I'm not being true to someone else. I want to talk to all my friends, and not worry that if I don't talk to him all the time, he won't ever like me. I want to relax and enjoy the moment. I don't need my mind filled up with things that'll limit me. I have the gospel. I have my standards, and I don't care what anyone says, I will stick with them, for myself, and for my friends, in terms of advice and helping them keep their own standards. No steady dating in highschool. I see it, and my hormones want it, but I don't. I want to keep the commandments, follow the For Strength of Youth Pamphlet. I know this church is true, and I will take it as it is. You don't need logical, scientific evidence for everything about the gospel. Some things are the way they are because that's the way God made them to be. So maybe someday science and the gospel will be on the same wavelength, but until then, I'm going with the gospel. Go ahead and read this, Paul Andrew Morrison. It might be for your own good. It's been fun, and I've definitely gained some important insights from it, but right now I need to focus more on my family, my friends, and my education. And most importantly, I need to focus on the gospel, because that's all my life is, and it's not going to change just for one stupid boy.

Peek-A-Boo!

Until I get those piccy's from Pauly from Sweethearts, this will have to do...not really, I just felt like posting a picture of myself. It's a year old, but that's ok, I pretty much look the same anyways, maybe. And don't worry, I really do know how to smile. It's the only picture I have of myself right now, actually. Because no one likes to give me their pics from their digital cameras...and I'm bored. Really, really bored. And I still have to write a blog on neinsi for last week and this week. And I still have some homework to do. And I'm bored? I love my necklace.

Elle...

Bitterness felt towards a certain individual? Yes. My fault or hers? Or both? Oh, I felt it the instant I saw her Saturday night. My bad because I see that there's competition? No. He has admited more than once that he didn't want to hang out with her.

This girl is driving me nuts! She works with him, and now she's wanting to hook up with him and hang out. Or something! I saw it Saturday night, but I saw it even more this morning. Oh wow. I saw her watching us.

And sweet P, he can't say no. He had to help her feel welcome in a place where she knew no one except him. That really is very kind of him. And he would do that.

I was sitting next to him and his arm was around me. Oh, the jealousy, Mi told me. You should have seen the look on her face, Mi shared with me. And she came and sat down on the other side of him. Yeah...

I'm not possessive. I need to be Christlike about the whole situation, and I'm trying to keep an open mind. I mean, he's allowed to have other friends besides us. But honestly, dead serious...this girl was annoying. She thought she could be all over him. She senses the competition, too.

Well, girl, if it's war you want, it's not war you're gonna get. I'm not going to turn into an immature, possessive teenage girl about her boyfriend, who isn't even her boyfriend! We held hands...we held hands...but if he wants to like someone else, so long as he's happy, by all means, go ahead!

But wouldn't you feel a little annoyed if someone were trying to invite themself into something of yours that they didn't really belong to in the first place?

Main a Main (frenchies...wink)

He is an amazing guy. He is, he is. A very good guy. So sweet. Not afraid to compliment me. So if I don't like him anymore, why does it hurt so bad?

That's what I was honestly thinking of posting during my free time during intermission. I felt terrible, and I just wanted to curl up in a defiant ball and cry. It felt as if he had finally understood and backed off. And how painful it was.

When the show was over, I gave him a hug to congratulate him on a job well done. Normally, I would have just thought to give him a hug only to humor him, keep him guessing. No, I really wanted to give him a hug this time. And instead of forcing a smile and a laugh whenever I talked to him, I was actually thoroughly enjoying myself around him. I was having a great time. I wasn't thinking too much at the moment if I really did like him or not, but I did know that it felt good to know we were still on good terms.

And B, once again I tell you that movies are where things happen. We have waited a month for this (ok, I have waited a month for this), but always one of us had to work, or lose a phone. I knew something was going to happen if we watched a movie together. It was bound to happen. And the movie never worked out--until now.

For the first 15 minutes of the movie, he definitely subtley made it clear that he wanted to hold my hand. His was always sitting right next to my leg, or resting between my knee and his. We were definitely in a position to hold hands, if only I made the effort to move my hand up to his. But was I going to? Did I want to? I honestly was expecting nothing to happen, like always. It's always so close, but then nothing happens. It's because this: the guy makes his move first, 90%, if only I can complete that last 10. If only I have the nerve. We finally did end up holding hands, for about 5 minutes, meh, until we had to stop the movie because lovely B had to go home.

It felt like an out-of-body experience. I just sat there, staring at our hands together, and thought, "Are we really actually holding hands? Is this real?" I've never held hands with a guy before. I couldn't believe it was happening to me. But there it was, and there we did it. But is this a bad thing to say or...?: I couldn't believe something so incredible happened or just that I still didn't like him and therefore felt no feelings, even as we held hands. No, I felt something. But then here's the issue. I'm thinking maybe this is just something like the hymenoptra's situation before. She didn't like him very much, but he liked her, they ended up holding hands, she definitely liked him more after that, and now they're a happy couple. It's not wrong to start liking someone after they make the first move, definitely not. But there's a fine line between first move and "because-someone-likes-me-I-like-him."

Only worry? PDA. Just because we held hands tonight does not mean it will give him the right to be all over me at school. For my sanity and for my friends' sanities, I just won't have it. I don't want to give him completely mixed signals, from holding hands to no communication. Stupid drama. But there will be a line to draw, and, pray for me I will have the strength to do it. But please, P, no PDA. Other than that, I held hands with him!

Speaking of couples, C AND W????????? WOW kind of did not see that one coming!!! I knew he liked her, but I totally thought it was still W and D, but then I was kind of suspecting something wasn't going on between those two any more, but WOW seeing C with a girl and holding hands??? WOW!!!! I love those two to death!!!

P.S. GREAT STORY!!! James Conolee (sp sp sp sp), very well known performer in Utah. Guest performer in Night of the World. And as I walk by, he is looking at a program, then the lady he is with points to me and he says, "Excuse me, are you 9c (name withheld for whatever reasons)?" I say yeah, and he says, "You are incredible at the piano," etc. Oh. Wow. SNAP, seriously, the ULTIMATE compliment EVER. Don't worry P, I still felt very special when you called me beautiful tonight, but WOW was I absolutely FLATTERED that James Connalee (sp sp sp sp) spoke to me and complimented me on my piano abilities! WOW!!!! Wow Wow Wow Wow Wow Wow. Wow.

Wow.

And once again, don't get me wrong in thinking that I care more about the James C. compliment than I do about holding hands. No matter how many CAPITALIZED words I put in one paragraph to totally emphasize my excitement, it's still one paragraph. When something is really on my mind, I would rather write and write and write. Lotsa paragraphs, one paragraph. You be the judge.

We held hands!

Just Breathe...

I've never done the lyrics thing before. Can't get this song out of my head...

2 AM and she calls me 'cause I'm still awake,
"Can you help me unravel my latest mistake?,
I don't love him. Winter just wasn't my season"
Yeah we walk through the doors, so accusing their eyes
Like they have any right at all to criticize,
Hypocrites. You're all here for the very same reason

'Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button, girl.
So cradle your head in your hands
And breathe...just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe

In May he turns 21 on the base of Fort Bliss
"Just a Day," he said down to the flask in his fist,
"Ain't been sober, since maybe October of last year."
Here in town you can tell he's been down for a while,
But, my gosh, it's so beautiful when the boy smiles,
Wanna hold him. Maybe I'll just sing about it.

'Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table.
No one can find the rewind button, boys,
So cradle your head in your hands,
And breathe...just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe

There's a light at each end of this tunnel,
You shout 'cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out
And these mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again
If you only try turning around.

2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me,
Threatening the life it belongs to
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
'Cause these words are my diary screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them, however you want to

But you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button now
Sing it if you understand.
and breathe, just breathe
woah breathe, just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe.

...and I still have to go and screw things up. I know--I'll call him. But what if he's at work? He's always at work...what am I doing???

Poly vs. Pauly

I've come to a decision. I need to forget about the Poly, because he's in the past. I need to focus on what's right now, and give the real Pauly a chance. All I can think about is what Pauly really deserves, and what he really deserves is a chance.

-9c

Something...has happened. I can't say what; I can't tell you, I can't tell anybody. How can I? I almost drove all the way home in 2nd gear because I couldn't think to reach down and change it. Something has happened, and I feel awful. Like the answers on the ACT, something has increased, something has decreased, and something has increased.
And all I can feel is this numbing awfulness.

-Anonymous

Happy Sweatheart's!!

What with Sweatheart's being today and all, I thought this would be appropriate.

Oooooooo, it's a good one!

You Know a Guy Likes You When...

Um...this makes me laugh.

#1) He has enough time to hurry and catch the bus, you pass him in the hall, say hi, and then he...*drum roll*...looks at his watch and says, "Oh, I think I missed the bus..." Gee, do you need a ride??

#2) He can't stay for the rehearsal because he has to work. He asks me for a ride, then decides to use my phone to call his mum to pick him up. "Oh...I can't remember my mom's number." Gee, do you need another ride?

He told me he'd call me later tonight...makes me feel special. Shall I dare hope and wait?

Thoughts...

I want to run through sprinklers with my clothes on.
I want to swing in the moonlight.
I want my wedding ring from the Shane Company.
I want to meet Tom Shane.
Chocolate is...amazing.
My favorite desert is my family peach cobbler.
Mt. Timpanogos is the most beautiful mountain. I have the perfect view from the Great Room.
Warm summer nights are my favorite.
But I like sunrises even better.
I'm through with my research topic, but I still have to finish it.
My computer told me the site www.neinsi.blogspot.com was forbidden.
I want my face to just clear up.
Einstein's Blueberry Whipped Cream Cheese is really good.
Some memories are really hard and painful.
The Boat may only have one summer left to live.
I dread the day my necklace will give out.
I love the smell of campfires.
I don't want to get homeruns. I just want to get the ball into play.
If you're ever in a stampede of people, put your arms up like wings and you will actually get picked up instead of fall down to your death.
I want to get a teeth whitening kit.
FM100 plays the most perfect songs.
"Hero," "Amazed," "Your Crying Shoulder"
Duke of Earl.
Tetris.
That song.
Guitars...
I want summer to come so bad.

...But if summer comes, does he leave?

I wonder what his secret is...

I'M DYING RIGHT NOW!!!!! i have absolutely NOTHING to do, yet there is SO MUCH i have to do this weekend! it's friday night, and i, for once, DON'T WORK!!! i really want to go to the basketball game at pg only to hang out with friends cuz both katie and missy work...but i'm not going to that game alone!!!!! i called him, but it went straight to the answering machine, so either he's on the phone, or his phone is off. i want him to come with me! i want to hang out with him!!! tonight...is...PERFECT to hang out!!!! bball game, movie, COME ON!!! too much energy, nothing to get it out with, too much homework, still not finished, freezing cold...I'M DYING HERE!!!!!!!